


Moving Forward

by DarkRose89



Category: Den lengste reisen | The Longest Journey, Dreamfall Chapters
Genre: Eventual Smut, M/M, Speculation, Violence, lots of headcanons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-05-24 13:40:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6155452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkRose89/pseuds/DarkRose89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After returning from Ge'en, Kian and Likho find out about the attack on the resistance, and make it their mission to find the ones responsible for it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to Spocksandshoes for betaing the fic and just generally being a big help!  
> This fic is basically a collection of headcanons I have for the characters, as well as some speculations about what might happen after Book 4.  
> 

Kian stood on deck of the smuggler ship, whose captain had been willing to take them as long as they didn't ask questions about the cargo, with his hands on the railing, looking at the dark sky without really seeing it, the wind blowing through his hair and beard. Which was a feeling he still wasn't entirely used to, after keeping his head and face shaved for so many years. But he had changed and led a different life now, so a change in appearance felt fitting. And now his commitment to his new life seemed complete, after what had happened with Hami.

At first, everything seemed to have gone in his favour. Hami had finally been willing to listen to him, had seemed to understand everything he told him, and had been willing to help Kian. But that had included only Kian, he hadn't been willing to let a Dolmari, who had just left a trail of Azadi corpses behind him on his way to the Administrator's office, go without punishment. Kian had been unable to convince him to change his mind, so in the end he had been forced to pick a side. And he had picked Likho's.  
It had resulted in a fight, and the memory of having had to raise his sword at his former mentor and father figure twisted up his guts. He had never struck a killing blow, but Hami had still ended up unconscious and injured enough that Kian was worried that he might end up dying regardless. He wouldn't be able to forget his bleeding unconscious body lying on the floor... Even Likho had taken him for dead, and he would disapprove if he knew that he wasn't. But Kian just hadn't be able to do it. Not after everything Hami had done for him in the past. And he still cared about the man who had been like a father to him.

Afterwards they had fled, Kian carrying the still unconscious Bip, while Likho made sure they had a free path, and along the way they were joined by the Magicals Likho had freed and armed. They had eventually made it out of the prison and to a safe location, a big cave hidden well from prying eyes unless you knew where to look, that one of the Zhids who was from the area knew about.

The rest of the night had been spent in the cave. Many of the Magicals had been resting, getting the first chance at a peaceful sleep in ages, while a few others, who knew how to heal wounds, had been looking after the ones who were injured. Likho had offered to stand guard at the entrance of the cave, while Kian stayed with Bip. An old Zhid woman had checked the still unconscious Bip for injuries, but couldn't find anything. But she had assured him that he also hadn't been poisoned, so he should be fine, and all they could do was wait for him to wake up on his own.

The next morning, after the Magicals that had been able sleep had woken up again, they had gotten together to plan out their next moves. Kian had wanted to go back to Marcuria immediately, to have Na'ane take a look at Bip, and even Likho had agreed, that this was an important enough reason to temporarily let her out of her cell. At first, Likho had wanted to go back and free the rest of the Magicals that they hadn't been able to free the night before, but he had eventually agreed to return with Kian and Bip. A smaller group of Magicals who were from Marcuria would accompany them on their way back, while the others either would go back to their own hometowns or make their way to places that hadn't been taken over by the Azadi yet. Some of the stronger ones had also picked up Likho's original idea and had decided to go back and free the rest of the Magicals from the camp.

While trying to find a way to get back to Marcuria they had found a crew of smugglers in an unofficial harbour used for those purposes, that one of the Magicals who was from Ge'en had pointed out for them. It hadn't been easy to convince the smugglers to take them with them and drop them off close to Marcuria. Especially because neither of them had any money, but eventually, and with Likho and Kian both using their ability to talk to people in a way that made them want to better not be on their bad side, they had agreed to take them along. As long as they stayed away from the cargo and pretended they had never met once they left the ship again. They had set sail in the early afternoon, and so far the wind had been strong enough to bring them forward quickly.

Kian sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He was exhausted after not having been able to sleep in the cave, but he didn't feel like retiring to the tiny cabin he shared with Likho and the others yet. He still had too much on his mind and he hoped that being outside would help clear his head.

Footsteps were approaching behind him, and then someone joined him at the railing. Kian had recognized the sound of the footsteps and knew that it was Likho, so he didn't bother to turn his head and kept staring out at the dark waves.  
They both stood there in silence for a while, then Likho finally started talking: “Why did you do it?”  
“Do what? I did a lot of things in the last hours,” Kian replied.  
“Fight Hami, I mean. You got what you wanted, Hami was listening to you and willing to help you. And it would have been a good chance to get rid of me. So why did you decide to...?” Likho trailed off.  
“Save you? Attack my former mentor and father figure to prevent the Azadi taking you to prison and executing you later? I've been asking that myself. But it was the right thing to do, and I would make the same decision again. I... couldn't let them arrest you.”  
“Why?”  
“I don't know why!” Kian raised his voice, then tiredly rubbed a hand over his face once more, and lowered his voice again. “It felt wrong. It would have completely destroyed the trust we build up. You said you've come to trust me, and I didn't want to betray that trust. But that's not actually the real reason.” Kian sighed. “I don't know why, I just didn't want them to arrest and kill you. That's all I can offer you for now.”  
Likho was silent for a few moments, then barely audible, he muttered: “Thank you.”  
Kian couldn't suppress a little smile. He never thought he'd ever hear those words out of the Dolmari's mouth. “We seem to develop a habit of saving each other's lives.”  
“We do. Seems to be my turn next.”  
Kian chuckled. “Well, I'm sure you'll get your chance soon enough, if we keep getting into dangerous situations.”  
“Oh, I intend to keep that up.”  
“Anything else would surprise me.”  
Another silence, then: “Well, I'm going to get some sleep.”  
Kian murmured a sound of agreement, and Likho started to turn around to walk towards the cabins.

“Well, that was awkward. If you were waiting for a chance, you just completely missed it.”  
Kian and Likho both whipped around at the same time, trying to locate where the voice had come from. It had sounded as if it had come from directly above their heads, close to one of the sails, but that shouldn't have been possible.  
Kian squinted at the sails over his head, trying to see in the dark, but all he could see was a small dark shadow sitting on one of the poles. Just a bird, by the looks of it. So where had the voice come from?  
“Yes, it's the bird talking,” the voice said again. Then the small shadow started to move and flew down from the pole to land on the railing next to Kian.  
Kian just stared at the bird for a few moments. A talking bird was not something he had encountered before. Or even knew existed. He glanced over at Likho and saw that he was looking at the bird with a frown. Which in itself wasn't unusual, but Kian knew Likho's frowns well enough by now to see that it was a frown to cover up his surprise. Well, if he was surprised by a talking bird too, maybe they really weren't very common.  
“Are you done staring now? Really, one might think you never saw a bird before. But don't worry I get that all the time. Talking bird, nice party trick, never fails to surprise. Anyway, if you're done staring, we can get down to business. You know Zoe? Well, she knew you, so you must know her too. Well, thing is, she went back to her world, and as her sidekick that leaves me without a job, so I thought I might offer my professional sidekick services to you. What do you say?”  
“I...” Kian started, not knowing what to say. The bird wanted to be his... sidekick? What was that even supposed to mean?  
“You're Crow,” Likho suddenly said. It didn't sound like a question, more like a statement.  
“The one and only. Wait, you heard of me?”  
“April talked about you.”  
“Oh, you knew April! What did she say about me? What a great friend and sidekick I was? How I helped her with all the adventuring she did?”  
“She also mentioned your inability to shut up.”  
“What? Now that's nice. I only ever spoke of her in the highest terms, and she...”  
“He wasn't serious,” Kian interrupted Crow, while resisting the urge to elbow Likho in the side. Instead he glared sidewards at him, then turned his attention back to Crow. “He hasn't quite figured out how jokes work yet.”  
Likho huffed at Kian, but then turned back to Crow too. “She spoke highly of you too. She missed you and was sorry she left you behind.”  
“Oh. That's... good to know. I missed her too. Miss her...” Crow broke off, looking away. Then he added quietly: “I didn't even know. I just learned about it a few days ago. I feel like I should have known...”  
“Don't blame yourself for not knowing, if no one told you, you couldn't have known,” Kian said, trying to cheer the bird up. It still felt weird to have a conversation with a bird, but it – he looked and sounded so sad, he felt a surge of protectiveness for him.  
“We just had a special bond, her and me, so I feel like I should have known. I did actually feel like something was wrong but... But I'm actually not here to talk about that. You still haven't given me an answer. Can I stick around?”  
Kian still wasn't sure what Crow meant with wanting to be his sidekick, or what that entailed, but he saw no reason to send him away, especially because he knew April. So he nodded and told Crow that he could stay.

Likho left towards the cabins shortly after, and Kian was left alone with Crow.  
“So, what's the plan? You all seem to be on a journey all the time, so where are you – we headed?” Crow asked.  
“Back to Marcuria for now. I'm afraid you're too late if you were looking for an adventure, we're just on our way back.”  
“Oh that's great actually. So it's all calm and relaxed for a change, I like that. So what business did you and your boyfriend have in Ge'en?”  
“He's not...” Kian could feel his face heating up. “It's not like that.”  
“Yeah, I noticed, but judging by all that tension earlier that's what's gonna happen. Unless you both keep messing up perfectly fine opportunities.”  
“You misinterpreted something there. We're enemies.” But even as Kian said those words, he knew it wasn't true. Not anymore. They had started out as enemies, but now... He wouldn't quite call Likho his friend, but there was a mutual respect there, and he had to admit he liked the Dolmari. But still, it wasn't like Crow seemed to believe.  
Crow laughed. “Enemies? Didn't look like that to me. But you keep telling yourself that, it's your business. I'm off to find a nice place to sleep. Wasn't that easy to find you, and flying long distances is tiring. I'll see you in the morning.” With those words Crow flew off, up towards the sails, and Kian quickly lost sight of him in the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now there's art for it :D http://framesfanart.tumblr.com/post/143754703305/inspired-by-dark-rose89-fanfic-moving-forward-i Big thanks to Framesonthewall for it!


	2. Chapter 2

They arrived in Marcuria the next evening, with the smugglers letting them off at the same smaller harbour the resistance used when taking a boat from the Enclave to the town. Most of the rescued Magicals said their goodbyes then, going their own way, but some of them had asked earlier to join the resistance, and they were staying with Kian and Likho.

Crow had taken off shortly before arriving in Marcuria, claiming he had some bird stuff to do, but said he would meet them later in the Enclave.

Kian was carrying Bip in his arms again while they got off the boat. The boy had woken up earlier, but only for a very short time, and now he was back to being asleep.  
The healer back in the cave had assured Kian that Bip was fine, but the longer it went on the more worried Kian got. He was glad that they were almost at the Enclave now, and that Na’ane would soon be able to take a look at Bip. If she had been able to bring Kian back from the brink of death, she should be able to fix whatever was wrong with Bip too. 

“We need a boat,” Kian remarked when the ship had sailed away again, and the small group of people who would be coming with them had gathered at the pier. The old entrance to the Enclave had been destroyed and the only way to get in was with a boat. Which made the place more secure and easier to guard, but also had them at a disadvantage when they had no boat.   
“I’ll get one,” Likho stated, and started to move towards the stairs leading up into the town.   
“Be careful,” Kian said unintentionally, and Likho gave him a strange look over his shoulder.   
“We did a lot more dangerous things than that,” he said, the tone of this voice indicating that he didn't really know what to make of Kian's sudden remark.  
“I know,” Kian replied, asking himself why he had even said that. “It’s just dangerous for Magicals to walk around, and it won’t have gotten any safer since we left.” He flinched inwardly at his own words, he should just keep his mouth shut, he kept making it worse.   
“I’ll manage. You better focus on making sure that the little gathering here doesn’t get noticed.” With these words, Likho walked up the stairs and was soon out of view. 

Kian lead the group of Magicals over to a darker corner of the small harbour, hiding with them in the shadows of a building and staying out of view for most people who might look out of their window. They had never had any troubles with that before, and he suspected that most people living here were supporters of the resistance, but they still shouldn’t take unnecessary risks.   
Kian let his eyes travel over the group of Magicals, counting how many of them were still left. Three Dolmari, two Zhids and one Samare, who towered over them all but was still surprisingly good at staying mostly unnoticed. Only now did Kian realize that one boat would not be enough to bring them all into the Enclave at once. One of them should have gone with Likho and brought a second one. But the more people the bigger the risk of detection. They could take turns with the boat, bringing half of them there, then going back to get the rest. Or maybe Likho would turn up with a bigger boat than the ones they used in the resistance, he knew how many of them there were after all. Or at least Kian was mostly sure that he knew, even if he might not have counted them. But for now, all Kian could do was wait for Likho to show up again, then they would see what the best way to get them to the Enclave would be.

Kian looked down on Bip, who was still asleep in his arms. What if Na’ane wouldn’t be able to get him to wake up? If there was really nothing wrong with him physically… But no, he didn’t even want to think about that. Na’ane would be able to fix him, he had to trust in her magic. He never thought that he would get to a point where he not only trusted magic, but saw it as his last hope. He had really come a long way and had turned into a completely different person ever since he first set foot in Marcuria. And he was glad for it.   
Looking back, he felt ashamed for the person he used to be, too blinded by his faith and beliefs to realize that Magicals were neither the enemy nor the mindless, savage animals he had been taught to see them as. He still believed in the Goddess, and that wouldn’t change, but what his people were doing wasn’t the will of the Goddess. It was merely the will of a few power hungry people at the top, twisting the teachings of the Goddess for their own advantage. And he would put a stop to it. As soon as he was sure that Bip was fine, he would put all his energy into stopping Vamon from executing his plans. Wanting to rid the entire world of all magic and the Magicals…   
The memory of what he had seen at Ge’en still made him sick. How could anyone justify that? Were the Six aware of what was going on? Just a few months ago, the mere thought of the Six being corrupt would have been ridiculous to him, blasphemy, but now he started to get doubts. It couldn’t be just Vamon, the man might have a lot of power, but he wouldn’t be able to do it all on his own. Not without support from other high ranking people. But would the Six condone this? Or were they believing the lies and half-truths that Vamon told them? What if they were the ones giving the orders to Vamon? He still didn’t believe that, but he couldn’t entirely brush aside that thought either. 

The soft splash of water pulled him out of his thoughts and he looked up to see Likho approaching the pier in a boat. He knew how to row in a way that minimized the sound, so the boat was gliding towards them almost silently. Kian looked the boat over once Likho had reached the pier, trying to determine if the boat was big enough to fit them all.   
“It was the biggest I could find,” Likho said as if he had known what Kian was thinking. “If we all squeeze together we should fit.”  
Likho was right and they fit into the boat, even if it was sitting quite deep in the water. Kian had handed Bip over to a Zhid and sat next to Likho, helping him row.   
“Any trouble?” he asked after a few minutes, breaking the silence.   
“No. Had to get rid of two Azadi guarding the boats, but they weren’t much of a challenge. It was almost boring.”   
Kian snorted. “Ah yes, not even a refreshing little fight for your life. Boring indeed.”   
“Exactly.” Likho gave a slight grin, and for a moment they grinned at each other, before Likho broke their eye contact again and turned his focus back on rowing, both of them falling silent again. It was strange to see Likho like that. He had only known him with his ever present scowl, and seeing him show other emotions as well, and being the one he felt comfortable enough showing those emotions to felt almost surreal, but it also filled him with a warm feeling. Kian wasn’t the only one who had changed in the last few months, and he was glad that Likho seemed to be more comfortable with opening up to him. And he liked the new sides he discovered of him. There was even a sense of humour hidden underneath all that anger. 

They passed the rest of the way in silence, the other people in the boat exchanged the occasional short sentence, but apart from that stayed quiet. And when they reached the cave that served as the entrance they were greeted with even more silence. That wasn’t exactly unusual, the cave was far enough away from the main hall and other rooms to not hear anything from there, but Kian still had a bad feeling about it.   
“Something feels wrong.” Kian murmured after they had gotten out of the boat.   
“Yes…” Likho agreed, looking around the cave with a frown. Then he made a few steps over to one of the walls, squatted down and ran his hand over a dark spot on the floor. “That’s dried blood!” he hissed through his teeth after examining it, then jumped up and started to run through the tunnel leading to the Enclave. Kian followed him immediately, not caring if the others followed them or stayed behind. If there was blood on the floor something must have happened, and he had a feeling that it wasn’t just one of them coming back injured from a mission. 

When he reached the stairs, he could hear Likho’s voice from above, asking what had happened, and the knot in his chest loosened a little at that. Other resistance members still being there hopefully meant that it wasn't that bad.  
After climbing the stairs and reaching the main hall, he could see that a fight had happened there. It had been cleaned up, but traces were still visible and a lot of the furniture was missing.   
“Likho. Kian.” he heard a soft voice coming from one of the hallways. Na’ane was walking towards them, giving them a warm smile and looking relieved that they had made it back unharmed.   
“You! What are you doing out of your cell?” Likho growled. Then his eye narrowed even further. “Is this your doing? Did you betray us again?”   
Kian could see him reach for one of his knifes, and he quickly jogged up to Likho, grabbing his arm. “Wait! We don’t know what happened. Let’s hear what she has to say first.” Besides, they still needed her for Bip. Even if she had indeed betrayed them again, he wouldn’t risk Bip’s life.   
Likho snarled, but then let go of his knife, leaving it in its sheath. “Talk then. And don’t even think about lying.”   
“Yes we were betrayed, and the Azadi found us,” Na'ane started to explain. “We're not sure, but we think it might have been Jakai. We found his body down in the cave, with a few coins lying next to him.”  
“Jakai! He worked with the Azadi before he joined us. We never should have trusted him!” Likho hissed.   
„As did I“, said Kian, almost automatically, even if he didn’t want to defend Jakai. In fact, he partly blamed himself for not seeing it. Jakai had said that he had joined the resistance because the Azadi had arrested his aunt. If they hadn’t done this, he might have still supported them and their views. Kian should have seen this earlier, if Jakai's main motivator to join the resistance was his aunt, then the same reason might have motivated him to switch sides again. He had been trained to interrogate people and how to notice when they were lying, so why had he not noticed anything about Jakai? Because he himself was an Azadi who had changed sides?   
“Yes same as you. Planning to betray us too?” Likho growled, yanking his arm away that was still in Kian’s grasp, and pulling Kian out of his thoughts in the process.   
“Likho!” Na’ane chastised him in a tone that almost sounded like Shepherd’s. If Likho's anger fazed her, she didn't let it show.  
“I had countless of opportunities to betray you, and I did not,” Kian stated calmly. In any other situation he would have gotten angry at Likho’s accusation, but he knew that Likho was shaken up by the attack, just like he was, and he didn’t blame him.   
“Yes… You didn’t…” Likho said slowly, sounding apologetic, even if he didn’t actually apologize. Then he turned back to Na’ane. “How bad is it?”   
“We lost many people. They weren’t thorough and didn’t bother to open the door to my cell, and some others managed to hide. But those who fought…” Na’ane paused drawing in a breath, before she continued. “We lost Shepherd. We are now without a leader, which I think was what they were trying to achieve.” 

More of the rebels that were still left had gathered in the main hall, staying in the background, but following their conversation. Kian looked at them, seeing which familiar faces he could spot, which were missing…   
“Where is Enu?” Likho suddenly asked, maybe he had taken a look at the rebels too. Kian felt his chest constrict, and he let his eyes roam over them again. Enu wasn’t with them.   
“Enu is…” Na’ane started, then broke off. Kian could hear Likho pull in a sharp breath, and his chest tightened even more. Not Enu…   
“She is alive, but that’s all I can say. She was badly wounded, and I was almost too late. I’m… not sure if she is going to make it.”   
Kian let out the breath he was holding, feeling relieved. She was alive. Not fine, but at least she was still alive.   
“Where is she?” Likho demanded.   
“In her room. But I’m afraid I can’t let you see her. She needs all the rest she can get.”   
“How did you get out?” Kian asked, picking up Likho’s earlier question. Na'ane had said the attackers hadn’t opened the door of her cell.   
“Anna showed up some time after the attack was over. She heard me trying to force open the door and let me out. I managed to heal some of our people, but for most it was too late.” Na’ane lowered her head, looking at the floor for a moment, then raised her head again. “I wished I could have saved more. I was responsible for the death of many resistance members before, and now I couldn’t save them again…”   
“Don’t blame yourself. I was just as much responsible last time. I should have stayed quiet and not exposed your betrayal. Then you wouldn’t have been locked up…”   
Na’ane smiled. “You did the right thing. I had to pay for my crime. And I might have been dead if I had been with the others.” 

Soft footsteps were coming up the stairs and Kian turned around to see one of the Zhids from the boat peer at them. He then gestured to someone standing at the foot of the stairs, and multiple footsteps could be heard coming up the stairs. A few seconds later, all of the Magicals they had left behind in the caves where standing in the main hall. The Samare was carrying Bip and approached Kian.   
“We weren’t sure if it was safe to join you, so we waited. Is everything alright?” she asked.  
“There was an attack, but that was before we arrived, so it’s safe for now,” Kian explained while approaching the Samare too, meeting her halfway and taking Bip from her. Then he turned back to Na’ane. “These are some of the people we freed from the camp. They want to join us,” he explained, while walking over to her. “Can you take a look at Bip? He seems uninjured, but he won’t wake up. He awoke once for a few seconds, but then he went back to sleep.”   
“Of course.” Na’ane took Bip from him, looking down at the boy, while holding him in her arms. “Is this the child Anna told me about? The one you went to Ge’en for? What happened to him?”   
“Yes, that’s him. I’m not sure what happened to him. This woman wanted to cut him open for an experiment. I interrupted her before she could do anything, but he was already unconscious when I arrived.”   
“I will take a look at him at once.” Na’ane carried Bip towards one of the hallways leading to the bedrooms, then rounded a corner and disappeared out of sight. Despite them having new things to worry about with the attack on the Enclave, and Enu’s injuries, Kian felt relieved. Bip would be fine now, he was sure of it.


	3. Chapter 3

The last few days had been busy and intense, reminding Kian of his time as an Apostle, when he had gathered information about people that needed assassination. He had planned missions with the resistance before, but the atmosphere had never been this serious. Both him and Likho were determined to find the Azadi involved in the attack, and especially find out who ordered it. They were sure that it had been Vamon, but they still needed proof. Not because they were concerned with whether or not he was innocent in it, but in case it had been someone else they wanted to find and make them pay too.  
At least Enu's condition had stabilized and Na’ane was positive that she would make it after all. And Bip had woken up too, even if he was still confined to his bed, so this had helped to lighten their mood a little bit. But it was still a tense mood, and their conversations held nothing of the easy bantering they had started during their time on the cloudship.

Kian heard the sound of wings coming closer, and then Crow who, much to his displeasure, had been assigned watch duty, landed on the map that showed the Azadi barracks near the tower, that him and Likho had been pouring over, while trying to decide on the best way inside of the place on the next day. They were hoping to find some people there who knew more about the attack, or maybe had even been involved.  
“There's an unknown redhead approaching in a boat,” Crow reported. “Want me to let her through or do you want to send some people down there that could actually stop her? I could try yelling insults, but I don't think this would stop any intruders.”  
“Long red hair? Hood?” Kian asked, his focus already halfway back on the map.  
“Yes. So you know her? She can pass?”  
“That's Anna, you can let her through,” Kian said unenthusiastically. He was grateful for her letting Na'ane out, so that she could have healed Enu and the others that had been still alive, but he also didn't look back to their last meeting with fondness.

He had been in a rush to get to Ge’en when they had last spoken, and hadn't been able to properly reply when she had revealed who she was, along with telling him that she loved him. But by now he had come to the decision that they needed to talk the next time he saw her, and that he needed to explain some things to her. He had to make it clear to her that he would never be able to return her feelings. Not doing so wouldn’t be fair to her, but he also had the feeling that it wouldn’t go over well. He also didn’t enjoy discussing personal things with people he barely knew, even if she seemed to know a great deal about him. Which was also something that didn't exactly endear her to him. How long and how much had she been watching him? Apparently not enough to notice that he had never been with a woman, but judging by her behaviour, she might have just misinterpreted that into believing that he returned her feelings and that that was the reason he showed no interest in other women.

Kian sighed inwardly, barely hearing Crow’s “Oh Anna, I heard about her. That’s the woman who showed up in time to let Na’ane out, right? Was wondering where she was.”  
It might be best to just get it over with, and talk to Anna immediately, no matter how much he was not in the mood for it. She only showed up when she wanted something and then disappeared for days or weeks again, so he didn’t know when he would have the next chance to talk to her.

He heard footsteps coming up the stairs and stood up, determined to get it over with, but also not looking forward to the conversation in the slightest.  
“Kian!” Anna had reached the top of the stairs and immediately spotted him. “Nice to see you made it back in one piece. Of course I didn’t doubt that, you’ve always been good at coming out of dangerous situations unharmed. Even escaped your execution after all. Must feel good to always have luck on your side like that. But I’m still glad to see you of course.”  
Anna had reached Kian and stepped up to him, leaning in as if she wanted to kiss him again. Kian grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back, not forcefully but firmly. “Don’t.”  
Anna looked as if she might get angry for a moment, but then her expression changed into a grin. “Ah, not in front of everyone. I understand that, you’ve always been a private person.”  
“That’s not…” Kian broke off. He didn’t want to have that conversation in the middle of the main hall. “Anna, we need to talk.”  
“Oh, you want to talk, that’s rare. And no need to look at me like that, was just teasing. So sure, let’s talk.” Anna looked at him expectantly.  
“Not here, let’s talk somewhere more private.”  
“Ooh I see. Your room then.” Anna smiled at him, then turned around and started to walk into the direction of the hallways leading to the bedrooms. Kian followed in a slower pace.

When he walked past the table he had been sitting at, he saw Likho looking at him with a frown. Kian shortly considered explaining what the whole scene had been about, but then decided against it. Later. For now he had to make it clear to Anna that there was nothing between them and that there never would be.

When he reached the hallway, Anna was nowhere to be seen. Following a hunch, he went directly to his room, and sure enough, Anna was inside, looking at his books. Of course Anna had known which room was his, he wasn't even surprised by that.  
“Nice room you have. Bit small, and lacking a personal touch, but I guess it suits you.” Anna turned around. “So, what do you want to talk about? If it's even really talking you want to do...”  
Kian ignored Anna’s last comment. "There seems to be a..." Kian started and broke off again. He had thought about what he wanted to say after deciding that he needed to talk to her. He didn't want to be rude, but she needed to understand that he wouldn't be able to return her feelings. So he started again, with his rehearsed words: "While I'm... flattered by your feelings for me, I won't be able to return them. You are a beautiful woman, but I have no interest in-"  
"Wait," Anna interrupted him. "Is this the part where you tell me that you're too busy to have a relationship, that your duty is more important? Because I respected that when you were still an Apostle, and had your strong faith and Azadi duties, but you're not bound by that anymore. I know you have no experience with any of that, but I'm patient and I can show you. You need more time? I can respect that and I'll give you time. But you need to understand that you're free of whatever vows you took as an Apostle. You can enjoy the pleasures of life now."  
"I know that I'm not bound to that anymore. I was trying to say that I have no interest in women."  
"Yes, that's part of it. You're not interested in relationships because you never thought you could have one. You're still getting used to not having to follow all those rules now. But give it time, and you'll realise-"  
"Anna!" Kian interrupted her, losing his patience at last. "I'm interested in _men_ , not women!"  
“Oh.” Anna fell silent for a few moments. Then: “Are you sure?”  
“Quite.”  
“But I never saw you… No wait, I did. When you were still a soldier. That friend of yours…”  
“Yes.” That had been a long time ago. He had always cared more about his duties, but he had had one serious relationship before. It had ended when the other man had decided to start a family, and Kian himself had been promoted to the Apostle rank shortly after. But that Anna knew about that at all… “How much have you been watching me?”  
“Not all the time. But I was… You saved me, gave me a much better life by introducing me to Mother Utana, and her letting me stay. You were my hero, and I felt indebted to you, so I just wanted to know what you were doing. If I had known… No, it wouldn’t have changed anything, I still would have loved you. This is… I never would have expected this. Are you really sure? Maybe it’s just because there haven’t been many women in your life, and you were always surrounded by soldiers…”  
“I am sure. I’m sorry Anna, but there will never be anything between us.”  
“I just… I need to be alone.” Anna turned around and fled the room, leaving the door open.

Kian ran a hand over his head, then sat down on his bed. This had gone more or less how he had expected, a bit better even. He didn't like that he'd had to upset her, but he supposed that couldn't have been avoided. And she had taken things too far, with all the watching and following him around, without him even having been aware of it, but now this hopefully would end.  
Kian stretched out his legs and looked up at the ceiling, still deep in thought, and not really feeling like returning to the hall to continue with the planning of their next mission.

He sat like this for a few minutes, until he heard a voice from the open door: “What did you do to Anna? She just came running through the hall, looking upset, then when she saw me she stopped, and looked at me for a moment like she had never seen me before. Then her expression turned murderous and she started to move again and ran down the stairs.”  
Kian looked up and saw Likho leaning in the doorway, arms crossed, but looking mildly amused. “I've been trying not to upset her.” And he had tried to be polite about it, so he didn’t blame himself for that. “I saved Anna when we were younger, and she developed feelings for me because of it. I told her that I have no interest in women and that I’m not able to return her feelings,” he explained.  
“And she didn't take that too well. But what did that have to do with me? Did you say something about me to her?”  
“No, I didn't. Maybe she sees you as competition now.”  
“Competition?” Likho raised an eyebrow.  
Kian shrugged. “She has this habit of watching me. So I suppose she saw us going on a lot of missions together, and maybe drew her conclusions from that.”  
“Maybe...” Likho said slowly. “And I'm the only man here you interact with on a regular basis.”  
Kian felt the sudden urge to protest, to say that it wasn't just because of that, but he didn't even know why, and how to put that in context, so he just stayed silent. As did Likho, and for a moment there was this tense atmosphere between them again, before Likho asked: “Did you say she follows you?”  
“I learned about that last time I saw her. Apparently she's been doing it ever since I saved her twenty years ago.”  
Likho raised an eyebrow again. “And you're... fine with that?”  
Kian sighed. “No. No, of course not. I just didn't have the chance to talk with her since I learned about it. But hopefully it will stop, now that she knows that I'm not who she imagined me to be.”  
Likho made a noise in the back of his throat, that Kian wasn't sure if it was an agreement or scoff, then he turned around. “Come back to the hall, we have planning to finish. And you're the one who insisted to come up with an elaborate plan in the first place.”  
“Of course, let's continue.” Kian stood up and followed Likho out into the hallway.

Later that night, Kian lay in bed, wide awake despite needing the sleep so he would be fully awake and alert at the mission tomorrow. The mission wasn't even the biggest thing on his mind at the moment, he had learned how to deal with being worried over a dangerous mission, and how to put it far enough to the back of his mind to still go to sleep the night before one. It was something he had lived with for many years, first as a soldier, than as an Apostle. So the things on his mind where of an entirely different nature.

One of the things on his mind were Enu and Bip. He had visited both of them after they had finished their planning, Enu hadn't been awake, but Bip had been, and seeing the boy, who had been so full of life, sitting in his bed, being quiet and serious, had stung. He had vowed to himself then to take better care of the boy from now on, and to make sure that something like this would never happen again. Kian didn't know how or when it had happened, but he felt responsible for Bip and, while he had never imagined having children, the thought of taking care of him from now on just felt like the right thing to do, and something he wanted to do.

Another thing that was on his mind was his conversation with Anna, and the following conversation with Likho. Anna seeing Likho as competition... He had suggested that because he thought it was the most likely explanation for her looking at Likho the way he had described, and he still thought that he was right there, but was she justified in seeing him like that?  
Things had changed between him and Likho, and there were those moments of tension between them that seemed to happen more and more often. It had been a while since Kian had been with anyone, but he still knew what that meant. And by now it happened often enough that he couldn't just brush it off as a few weird and random moments that didn't mean anything. But what were his actual feelings towards Likho? Was it just a random attraction because he really was the only man he spent time with regularly, or was it because of Likho being Likho and he would still find himself attracted to him even if he wasn't the only one around? And what about Likho himself? Likho hated Kian, or had hated him, Kian wasn't sure how much of that was still there, so what were Likho's feelings in that matter?  
But did it really matter where the tension and feelings of attraction had come from in he first place? There would be nothing coming from this because it would just end up complicating things, and besides, they had still hated each other not too long ago. So even if they had ended up with this odd attraction now, it would be best to just ignore it. They had other things to focus on, and while Anna was right and Kian wasn’t bound to his life as an Apostle anymore, he still agreed with the notion that it would just create unnecessary distraction.

But still, when Kian had saved Likho from getting imprisoned, when he had turned against Hami… Likho had asked him why he had done it. And he still wasn’t sure about it. Hormones clouding his judgement? Or because they had gotten to trust each other, and he had genuinely come to like the grumpy Dolmari? He had never thought he would be capable of turning against and actually attacking Hami. Hami had been one of the people he had trusted entirely, and the man had been like a father to him. But still, no matter how often he thought back on it, he still couldn’t see himself making a different choice. Maybe he could have let them arrest Likho, and then later freed him from prison… But no, letting them arrest him would have destroyed the trust they had built up, and he knew how secure the Azadi prisons were, so getting him out might have been near impossible. And who knew if Likho would have even reached the prison, they might have just executed him without even bothering to send him there. He couldn’t have risked it. Sure, when he had made the decision it had been more an instinctual action, there had been no time to think it through after all, and those justifications had been something he had come up with later. But he still might have thought about all those things subconsciously, with his years of training of making important decisions in the blink of an eye. Or had it really just been an emotional response because he liked Likho? But whatever it had been, he still should keep his distance. At least until the whole business with Vamon and the Azadi was over. If things were still the same between them by then, he could reconsider it again. Having come to this conclusion, he finally managed to fall asleep a few minutes later.


	4. Chapter 4

Kian and Likho were hiding in the shadows between a stack of crates and the wall of a house, waiting for Crow to return and give them a report of the number of guards and their movements, and whether the path was clear, or at least clear enough for them to get inside without alerting the entire building. 

Crow had still been sitting on the table when he had returned with Likho the previous day to continue the planning of the mission, and following a hunch, Kian had asked Crow if he wanted to help them. Crow had been more than happy to get away from the boring watch duty and had agreed, and now he was scouting out the premises.

“What’s taking the bird so long?” Likho muttered next to him. “He should have just flown over the grounds a few times.”  
“He hasn’t been gone for longer than a few minutes. Give him some time,” Kian replied.  
Likho had been impatient for nightfall and the start of their mission the whole day. To others it might have seemed as if he was worried about it, but Kian knew that he was looking forward to it, that he was itching for a fight with the Azadi and getting revenge for what they had done to the resistance. He just hoped that it wouldn’t make him reckless and get himself into more danger than was necessary. They wouldn’t be able to take on the entire barracks full of well-trained Azadi soldiers, so they had to stay quiet and couldn’t leave a trail of bodies behind. It might have been easier to do it without Likho, thanks to his assassin training that was part of being an Apostle he knew how to blend in and sneak around without attracting attention, even without the potion, but he knew that Likho would have never agreed to staying behind, and he had proven in Ge’en that he was able to stay undetected as well. Besides, Kian was glad to have someone in there, who he knew he could trust, to have his back. 

After a few more minutes of waiting, and with Likho starting to shift around impatiently, they heard the flapping of wings, and Crow landed next to them on the ground.  
“Path’s mostly clear,” he whispered. Hearing Crow whisper felt strange after having heard him with his normal voice all the time. Kian had to admit to himself, that he hadn’t been sure if Crow was even capable of whispering, if his bird tongue allowed it. But then again, technically, he shouldn't have been able to speak the way he did in the first place. “There are two guards at the front door, but I can distract them. The door’s locked, and from what I could see through the windows, there’s a guard circling the hallway behind it, but if you do some quick lock picking, and then duck into the first room on the right, you should be fine.”  
Kian nodded, putting himself in the calm, determined mindset he always put on during missions. He had anticipated that there might be the occasional locked door to pick, and had spent the morning practising his old lockpicking skills from when he had been a street urchin, and to his relief hadn’t forgotten how to do it even if it had taken a few tries before he had been back in it.  
“Thank you Crow, you are a big help,” he praised the bird, and Crow puffed up his feathers.  
“Of course I am. Year long experience of being a side kick. April and Zoe wouldn’t have ended up where they are without me. Uh, I mean not where they are right now, I meant their journeys. They needed me there. For side kick duties, just like you do now.”  
“As long as Kian doesn’t end up the way they ended up…” Likho muttered under his breath.  
“Hey, I heard that. That was cold. It wasn’t my fault, I had nothing to do with that. And I’m sure Zoe’s fine-”  
“Crow, it’s fine, he didn’t mean it like that, we know that you had nothing to with that,” Kian interrupted him, glaring at Likho, while also feeling a slight warmth at the thought that Likho seemed to not want anything to happen to him. At least not what had happened to April. Or Zoe, whatever it was exactly that had happened to her. And considering that not so long ago Likho would have happily seen him dead… But he didn’t have time for that now, he needed to focus on the mission ahead. He looked back at Crow. “We’re ready when you are.”  
“Alright, wait for my signal!” Crow spread his wings and was about to fly off, when he remembered something. “Uh, the signal is the guards running away from the door.” 

Then he flew over to the barracks again, and Kian and Likho quietly made their way over to the building as well, looking for a place where they could see the entrance door, but still stay out of sight. Thankfully the moon was hidden behind clouds at the moment, so they could get close enough to the door unseen, while sticking close to the low surrounding wall of the courtyard, in order to make it to the door quickly once the guards had been distracted. 

Shortly after they were in position, Crow flew down at the guards, circling them, and flying down to pick at them with his beak, while crowing in a way, that sounded only distantly like what a crow should actually sound like. Kian couldn’t suppress a grin at the sound. While talking with Crow, and getting to know him, he had said that while he could talk like a human, he couldn’t speak bird language that well anymore after specializing on the human language, but Kian hadn’t quite believed him back then. But now it looked like Crow had said the truth.

At first the guards were merely trying to shoo Crow away and didn’t leave their post, but when Crow eventually pooped on one of their helmets, they finally decided to give chase, while cursing the bird. Kian immediately ran over to the door while still trying to keep out of direct light, getting his lockpicks out while still moving, kneeling down in front of the door, quickly sticking the lockpicks into the lock, and moving them around, trying to find the lock’s weak points.  
He more felt than heard Likho squatting down next to him. “Hurry up, looks like Crow might not be able to keep their attention on him much longer.”  
“Almost got it,” Kian murmured, carefully moving the left lock pick a tiny bit upwards, and then the lock clicked and opened. He carefully opened the door a crack, peering inside to see if the patrolling guard was around, and when he saw no one, opened the door and slid inside, Likho right behind him.  
Once inside, they immediately hurried into the first room on the right, like Crow had told them to, and closed the door behind them. From what they could see in the dark, the room seemed to be a small office, but it seemed insignificant enough that Kian was sure they wouldn't find any of the documents they wanted here.  
Outside the door they heard footsteps approaching, and out of the corner of his eye he could see Likho reach for one of his knives. Kian put his hand on the hilt of his own weapon, while pressing himself with his back against the wall, watching the door. But the footsteps went past the door, then stopped and walked past it again, then fading in the distance. Just the patrolling guard, who thankfully didn’t seem to have noticed anything. Kian breathed out, then pushed himself off the wall again.  
“Let’s get to the main office and see if we can find any documents in there.”  
Likho nodded. “And hopefully the responsible Azadi along with it.”

They found the office almost without incident, managing to avoid the more busy sections, and only running into a soldier once, that Likho made short process with before he had a chance to yell for the others. Afterwards, they quickly stuffed him into a nearby cupboard and took his keys, and Kian hoped that there wouldn’t be any blood seeping out of it before they had left the building again.  
None of the guard’s keys fit the lock, so Kian had to pick the door again, and then they were inside the main office at last, where all the mission reports were stored. 

Kian looked around the room, trying to find a pattern in how the files were stored, but couldn’t see one just by looking. So he went over to one side of the room, and started to look through the files, while Likho did the same on the other side.  
The files on his side seemed to be older, and he was just about to ask Likho how the files on his side were dated, when Likho called him over. Likho was leafing through a file, and Kian walked over to him, looking over his shoulder at the papers in his hand.  
“Found it already?” he asked.  
“It’s not the one we were looking for, but still of interest. Looks like Jakai kept them updated about our movements on a regular basis.”  
Kian frowned, while he leaned closer to take a better look at it, his arm and shoulder pressed against Likho’s back, but he didn’t take notice of it. Likho was right, the file contained almost their entire movements during the last months. Then he remembered something the Administrator had said in Ge’en.  
“They knew we were going to Ge’en. The Administrator expected me. She also knew about you.” “Yes.” Likho pointed at the last entry in the file. “They did know and planned their attack accordingly.”  
“Do you think they took Bip to lure me away? That they knew I would follow to save him?”  
“Maybe. They must have known you’re associated with him. But did Jakai know that you would care enough to endanger yourself like that?”  
“I don’t know,” Kian said, thinking about it. “I never talked that much with Jakai. And I don’t remember bringing Bip up a lot. Maybe mentioned him once or twice. But if he was spying on us, he might have watched our movements and found out about it like that.”  
“Or someone else has been watching you. Someone who’s already been doing it for years.”  
“You mean Anna? I don’t know. If she really loved me all those years, why would she betray me?”  
“Maybe she didn’t betray us, but she might have known about the attack and wanted you out of there.”  
Likho had a point, but Kian still wasn’t sure, if that was really the case. He didn’t trust Anna, but she had tried to stop him from going to Ge’en. He told Likho about that, and Likho shrugged in response.  
“We still should have a word with her, next time she shows up. I’m sure she knows more than she lets on.”  
Kian nodded. He wanted to know more about that himself. “There still aren’t any records about who was involved in the attack in that file though. Let’s keep looking. But we should also take this file with us, I want to take a closer look at it later.”  
“Yes, Kian, I wasn’t going to leave the file here. I know you’re the temporary leader right now, but you don’t have to tell me every single step.”  
“You’re right, I’m sorry. This entire mission reminds me of… old times. I automatically went back to giving out orders.”  
“As long as you don’t go back to your old believes…”  
“I won’t.”  
Kian finally took a step back, not leaning over Likho anymore, and ignoring the feeling of immediately missing the contact, even if he had not really noticed the closeness before while he was focused on the file. He would think about it later, and what it might imply, that it must have felt so natural for him to be this close to Likho, that he hadn't even noticed that half his body had been pressed against his back. _Focus, Kian, you have more important things to think about right now!_

They looked through more files in silence, the rustle of paper being the only sound in he office for a while. This time it was Kian who found the right file, a mission report at the end of a row of other mission reports, containing a summary of the attack, as well as a list of names, checked off, with a note that seemed to indicate that they received a bonus for a mission done well. Vamon's name was listed right at the top as the one who ordered the attack. He moved over to Likho to show him the file, while still keeping his eyes on the list of names. So far he recognized none of them, but he also didn’t expect it, there were a lot of soldiers in Marcuria, and the odds of any of the soldiers he knew personally having been stationed here were low.  
“Found it?” Likho asked, when he noticed Kian approaching, and when Kian nodded, he stepped next to him, to take a look at it as well. “That proves that it was indeed Vamon who was behind it. Not that I ever doubted it.”  
Kian, who was still looking over the names, froze all of a sudden. There was a name he knew. One he knew well. It had been about ten years, but they had worked together on a few mission while Kian had still been a soldier. And they had also ended up in bed together, after some of those missions. There hadn't been anything serious between them, Kian had just looked for a distraction after his one serious relationship had ended, and then he had been promoted to the Apostle rank, which had put an end to it anyway. But Kian hadn't known that he was still alive, he had heard about him having gone missing after a battle. And if he should have just used an opportunity to get away, why was he back with the Azadi again? Or had his information about the situation simply been wrong back then?

„-ian… Kian!“ Likho’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts.  
“Sorry. I wasn’t listening.”  
“I noticed. Did you find something interesting in the file?”  
“I… know one of them.” Kian pointed at the name in question.  
“An old friend?”  
“Something like that. I thought he was dead.”  
“Well, you knowing him should make it easier to find him, and through him the others on that list. You’re not thinking of letting him get away though, are you? He was involved in attacking the resistance and he killed some of our people.” When had Kian become included in “our people”?  
“No I… I wasn’t thinking of letting him get away. It saw him last over ten years ago. I was just surprised that he’s still alive.”  
“Good. Any other names you recognize?”  
Kian shook his head. “No. And we have what we came for. Let’s get out of here, before someone notices us.”  
“Shouldn’t we look for the guard roster to see when your friend is patrolling and where? Would make it easier to get a hold of him.”  
“Yes, you’re right, good thinking. It won’t be in here though, they are downstairs in a place where everyone will see it. Most likely in the area of the sleeping quarters. And it won’t be easy to get there undetected. Especially not at night, when most of the soldiers will be in their beds.”  
“I don’t see a problem.” Likho sounded somewhat amused and Kian sighed.  
“I know you’re hoping for a fight, but you know we can’t take on everyone in this building. They’re all well trained and will wake up at the sound of a fight, even if it’s distant.”  
“Then we’ll just have to make sure we don’t give them an opportunity to make any noise.”  
“They also shouldn’t know that someone has been here. If there are bodies, they’ll know.”  
“It’s a bit late for that, there already is a body in that cupboard. Unless you plan to take him with you?”  
Kian sighed again. “No.” He rubbed his forehead, feeling the beginning of a headache. Likho's stubbornness annoyed him, but at the same time he had to admit that Likho had a point. They might not have a chance to come back, so they should collect all the information they could while they were here. Even if it was risky. “We’ll do it, but there will be no unnecessary risks. If we end up dead or imprisoned the resistance will suffer. More than it already has.”  
Likho gave him a rare smile. “And here I thought you were just worried about protecting your own skin. We got in and out of a high security prison camp, this here should be easy.” 

Likho walked over to the door, and after a quick glance outside, opened it, gesturing for Kian to walk through first. “After you, leader.” Likho’s tone of voice sounded mocking, but the fact that he was suddenly willing to do this on Kian’s terms now, told him that he was mellowed by Kian putting the resistance first.  
“The resistance isn’t the only thing I’m worried about,” he murmured while walking past Likho, not sure why he had felt the need to say that out loud and let Likho know that he was worried about him as well. Likho might not even appreciate it, possibly seeing it as an insult to his fighting skills. But he didn’t say anything, and Kian didn’t look back to see his reaction, so he wasn’t even sure if Likho had heard him.

They made their way downstairs quietly, Kian being once again impressed that such a big guy could move so silently. He himself wasn’t exactly small either, but it had been part of his training, which Likho hadn’t received. And he had to admit, that he had underestimated Likho in that regard. Likho didn't look very stealthy, and his personality didn't suggest it either, but from what he had seen this evening, Likho's abilities at stealth seemed to be even better than his own. 

Another guard was patrolling downstairs, and they hid in the shadows around the corner of another hallway, backs pressed against the wall. If the guard turned his head he would see them, but he didn’t, and when he had passed, they quickly made their way down the hallway, before the guard would return again.  
Thanks to the basic layout of the map, they knew the direction in which the sleeping quarters were located, and, after avoiding another soldier walking down the hallway, they finally found them. The board, which listed all the shifts and which routes the soldiers had to guard or patrol, was hanging on a wall where everyone walking by was clearly seeing it. Which also meant that if someone should open one of the nearby doors now, they would immediately spot them.

Kian hesitated with stepping out into the open space. He couldn't know if they were truly all asleep in their rooms. But they had gotten so far without much trouble, so he hoped that things would go well for the next few minutes as well.  
“Watch my back,” he whispered to Likho, then stepped into the open space of the much broader hallway, and made his way over to the roster, stepping carefully and barely making a sound on the stone floor. But things had been going too well so far, so Kian should have known that they would run out of luck eventually. He reached the roster without incident, but just when he was about to let his eyes travel over it, to spot the familiar name, a door behind him opened.

Then everything happened quickly. Kian whipped around, drawing his sword in mid-turn, but before he had fully turned around, one of them was already going down with a gurgling sound, a knife sticking out of his throat, while the other had one sticking from his chest, but seemed to be still alive. Then Likho, who must have thrown his knives at them the moment they stepped through the door, had approached and grabbed the one with the knife in his chest, pressed a hand over his mouth and dragged him back into the room where they had come from. Likho motioned with his head at the other one, indicating that Kian should do the same with him. Kian couldn’t help but feel impressed. That had been a really quick reaction.

He followed Likho into the room, dragging the dead man with him. Once he had him inside, he ripped off a part of the man's shirt and snuck outside again, wiping off the small bloodstain that had formed where he had lain on the floor. If anyone else should come out of their room now, they wouldn't be alerted by seeing blood on the floor.  
When he returned, he saw that the other one was indeed still alive, Likho was kneeling over him, a hand still over his mouth, and explaining to him that if he tried to scream he would finish the job and kill him, if he wanted to live he should better cooperate and answer their questions. Kian watched them from a distance, positioning himself next to the door, just in case someone might have heard the small commotion.  
Likho slowly removed his hand from the soldier's mouth, and he really stayed quiet, the only sound coming out of his mouth were pained intakes of breath. Kian put the man's willingness to cooperate down to his age, he seemed quite young. Other older, more experienced Azadi soldiers might have been more likely to sacrifice their life in order to warn the others about the obviously dangerous intruders.  
“Where you involved in the attack on the rebel hideout?” Likho asked, and Kian knew that the young soldier wouldn't survive, if Likho didn't even try to hide who they were. Either the wound was fatal and Likho knew it, or Likho was planning to kill him after the questioning. And, while Kian would have preferred to avoid any more bloodshed, he knew that now that the soldier knew who they were, letting him live was indeed a risk. Maybe if they could convince him to work for them? He was already cooperating after all. But that was out of fear, if they could indeed convince him of it, it wouldn't be out of loyalty so he wouldn't be trustworthy. Still, he would prefer to avoid taking more lives than was strictly necessary.  
The soldier didn't reply and Likho repeated the question, his voice sounding more threatening.  
“No, I... wasn't.” He replied, his words coming out slowly and the way he sounded clearly indicated that he was in in a lot of pain. “I'm not... with them...long enough to go... on big missions...yet.”  
“But I'm sure you know who--”  
Before Likho could finish, the door opened. “Is everything alright, I thought I heard--” The voice broke off, when the owner of the voice saw what was going on in the room.  
Kian grabbed the man, yanked him through the doorway into the room, then slammed him against the wall, the tip of his sword pressed to his throat, while closing the door with his foot. “Any loud sounds or sudden movements and you won't get out of this room alive,” Kian hissed. Shadow, he really hoped that was the only one who had heard something.  
The man looked at him defiantly, and seemed just about to open his mouth, when his eyes widened suddenly, and he took a closer look at Kian's face. “Kian?” he asked eventually.  
Kian narrowed his eyes. He couldn't remember having seen the man before, but it wasn't unusual for other Azadi to recognize him, he had been quite well known as an Apostle after all. But they usually didn't address him by his first name.

Kian looked closer at the man's face, trying to make out anything that might look familiar. He had an old and large burn scar, that covered one half of his face and lead further down, the other half of his face was covered in scars. He didn't remember anyone with scars like that, but something about his face still looked vaguely familiar. Maybe someone from his time as a soldier? And then he knew who it was, the only one from that time who was stationed here.  
“Javed?”  
“So it is true that you betrayed us. You’re the last person I would have expected it from.”  
Even though he hadn't seen him in all that time, Kian still felt the urge to justify himself. “I was blind and didn’t see what was really going on. What they are doing… It’s not the will of the Goddess.”  
Javed scoffed. “What you’re doing isn’t the will of the Goddess. Those Magicals tricked you, don’t you see? They poisoned your mind to make you their puppet.”  
“No, I made this decision myself. We got taught that Magicals are little more than animals, but it’s not true. They’re people just like us. And I’ve been to Ge’en, I saw what our people are doing to them, what they are planning to do. This is not the will of the Goddess. Let me tell you everything and--“  
“We don’t have time for that now, Kian,” Likho interrupted him, while walking over to them. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but save it for once we’re back at the Enclave. We found who we were looking for, so let’s take him back for interrogation.” Likho turned towards Javed. “Unless you want to make it easier for all of us, and just point out all the others who were with you during the attack?”  
“I won’t tell you anything, Dolmari!” Javed spat out.  
“As I thought. And I suppose you also won’t come quietly?”  
“You suppose right.”  
“Well then…” Likho made a quick hand movement, trying to knock him out, but Javed must have anticipated it, because he blocked it. Kian quickly lowered his sword to not accidentally kill Javed, then used his focus on Likho to pull him in a chokehold until Javed passed out. 

Likho nodded at him, then pulled open the door to peer outside. “No one outside. Let’s move.”  
Kian glanced over at the solider lying on the floor. The knife had disappeared from his chest, but he also clearly wasn’t breathing anymore.  
“Was that really necessary?” Kian asked, nodding his head in the direction of the solider.  
“He was as good as dead anyway. The knife was the only thing keeping the wound partly closed. And I wanted my knife back.”  
“He was still young. Can’t have been older than twenty. Or even younger.”  
“How many Magicals that age have you killed without giving it a second thought? How many has he killed?”  
Likho had a point, but ever since he had confessed on the cloudship that all those lives he took did bother him after all, it seemed harder to just push it away in his mind and distance himself from it.  
Kian hoisted the unconscious Javed up and over his shoulders. Likho, who had walked halfway through the door, looked back over his shoulder.  
“Need help?”  
Kian shook his head. “No. Let’s get out of here.” 

When they reached the front door of the building they slipped into the room next to it again and signalled Crow to distract the guards again. This time it didn’t work as easily as the first time though. The guards were cursing the bird and trying to get him with their swords whenever he got too close, but refused to chase after him, and Crow eventually seemed to give up and flew away.  
“Let’s take care them then,” Likho suggested. “They don’t expect anyone but an Azadi to leave, so we can take them by surprise.”  
“No, let’s wait a few more minutes, maybe Crow will find another way to distract them.”  
This time, Likho agreed without an argument. “Fine.”

They kept glancing out the window, waiting for a sign from Crow, while making sure to not be seen by anyone outside who might walk along the road in front of the building and look in the direction of the window. The weight of Javed on his back was starting to get uncomfortable, and Kian cursed the fact that the building didn’t have a less guarded back entrance. Or any kind of other entrance. Part of him also hadn’t really expected the same trick to work on the guards twice. 

After waiting for a short time, they heard a distant high pitched voice outside, muffled by the window.  
“Help, there’s a Magical over there! I think he’s dangerous! Help me please!”  
They heard the guards argue whether or not they should check, or stay at their post, but then the voice called for help again, sounding more urgent, and the guards took off, running towards the street.  
Kian and Likho reacted immediately and got out of the house, running towards the street as well. The moon wasn’t behind the clouds anymore, but they still managed to get off the property without detection. In the distance they could hear the guards calling for the person they had heard call for help. 

They slowed down to a normal pace once they were far enough away, but didn’t stop moving until they reached their boat. Kian, whose back was hurting from the weight of carrying Javed, put him down in the boat with a sigh of relief, hoping that they would make it back before he woke up again.  
Once they sat in the boat, Crow landed in it as well.  
“Good idea, to distract the guards by screaming for help,” Likho said.  
“I’d say so myself. Best idea I came up with in a while. Leave it to Crow to save the day. But don’t ever expect me to do this again. Acting like a damsel in distress, that's just not me. Or maybe it is, I'm not that brave. But I generally don't need saving, as long as no one puts me in a cage. Or chest. But anyway, what’s with this fellow here?” Crow pointed his beak at the unconscious Javed.  
“We’re taking him in for interrogation,” Likho answered.  
“Uuuhhh” Crow made a long drawn out sound, and Kian asked: “What?”  
“Nothing. Just thought that uuhh sounded like an appropriate reaction.” 

The rest of the journey was spent with Crow chattering away, which Kian was grateful for, because it kept him from thinking about his sudden meeting with someone he had thought to be dead. Things wouldn’t have been different for them if he hadn’t been declared dead, they had already gone their separate ways before that, but he hadn’t expected to suddenly get confronted with his past like that. Dealing with other Azadi that he didn’t know was different, even meeting with Hami had been different, but this was a reminder of the time from before he had been an Apostle, from when there still had been people he had let close enough to consider them friends. When he had still lead a more normal life, just like he was starting to do again. His life with the resistance might not be normal by other people's standards, but he had friends again, and worked with people he trusted, which was as normal as his life could get. He knew that he would have to deal with those thoughts eventually, what the sudden meeting with Javed might mean for him, but for now he could just put it aside while listening to Crow tell them anecdotes about his travels with April and Zoe.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally this fic will live up to its rating! It was originally supposed to go a bit differently, with it being a Bad Idea on Kian's part, but then I decided to change it a bit. But you'll see what I'm talking about.  
> Credit for the scar goes to Spocksandshoes, she was the one who came up with that headcanon, and I liked it so much, I just had to include it in the fic :D  
> Also, big shoutout to Spocksandshoes again for her help in that chapter specifically, I never wrote m/m smut before this chapter, and without her that would have ended up sounding a lot worse than it is.

“Likho, I understand why you want to be in there as well, but we've been through this before, and my opinion won't change.”  
Kian was about to interrogate Javed, and Likho had followed him to the room he was locked in, insisting that he should be present for the interrogation. Something he had done all day, and Kian was growing tired of going over this again and again. Kian was sure that Javed might refuse to talk, if Likho was present, while Likho's argument for this was that he would be able to make him talk if that should be the case.  
“Want to protect your friend? Is that why you don't want me in there?” Likho sneered, and Kian's mood slowly turned sour.  
“He’s not my friend, I haven’t seen him in ten years!” Kian started to raise his voice, but then got himself back under control. He didn't want this to turn into another fight. “You're right, we were friends, so he might be willing to talk to me, but only if it’s just me in there. And he won't be able to pull me back on his side and make me change my views again, if that's what you're worried about.” Kian put his hand on Likho’s arm. “Trust me, please.”  
Likho looked at him for a few moments, before finally giving in. “Fine, have it your way. But I’m staying right outside the door. Call me if he refuses to talk.”  
Kian nodded. “I will. Thank you.”  
  
He unlocked the door and entered. He had mentally prepared himself for this, had thought a lot about it the night before, and had come to the conclusion that he wouldn’t let it get to him. His old life was gone, so it didn’t matter if there was someone from this life here now. Besides, it had been ten years. He wouldn’t treat him like a stranger when talking to him, because he still needed the information, but he would treat him like a stranger mentally. He more or less was a stranger, he himself had changed a lot, and he was sure that it was the same for Javed.  
  
Javed sat on his bed, looking up when Kian entered. “Is this the part where you torture me?” he asked without preamble.  
“No, this is the part where I’m asking you questions and you will answer them.”  
Javed chuckled. “I heard that you were good at getting people to talk. I always wanted to witness that at least once. Granted, I expected the situation to be different, but life often goes different than expected, doesn't it? But why don’t we start this with the questions you really want to ask?”  
Kian raised an eyebrow. “And what questions would that be?”  
So far, treating him like a stranger in his mind worked well, Javed indeed seemed to have changed, he had always been direct and to the point, but never this hostile. _But maybe he’s hostile because you betrayed the Azadi_. Kian pushed the thought away and looked expectantly at Javed, waiting for his answer.  
“You want to know how I’m still alive. And why you never heard about it.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. And Kian had to admit that he was right, he did want to know.  
Kian motioned for him to continue, not just because he was curious, but also because he thought that if he would let Javed talk about what he wanted to talk about first, he might be more willing to give up other information as well.  
“Our mission was to attack a rebellious Dol-Intiqua village that had been considered a threat. We didn’t get as far as the village, because they must have noticed our approach, and we ended up fighting them a few miles away from the village. In the beginning everything went well, but then a second group of them showed up and attacked us with burning arrows. Shadow knows where they got them from. Many of us fell, and I got an arrow in my face,” he pointed at his burn scar. “I passed out for a while and the others must have taken me for dead. When I woke up again, I wasn’t on the battle field anymore.” Javed broke off.  
  
So far it matched the official story. When another group of Azadi had come back to the battlefield to collect their fallen, Javed had been missing, along with two others. A popular rumour had been that the Dolmari must have taken the corpses and used them as sacrifices in strange rituals, something Kian now knew to be absurd.  
  
Javed continued his story, talking more quickly now, as if he wanted to get the next part out faster. “The Dolmari had noticed that I was still alive and had taken me with them, along with the other two that had later been listed as missing and dead like me. They had locked us up and wanted to get information out of us, and also use us as ransom in exchange for the fields they had been using the years before and that had been claimed for Sadir.” Javed scoffed. “Our lives in exchange for some crops, can you believe it? They really are primitive.”  
“They needed the food the fields would have provided. Magicals can’t survive without food either.” Kian tried to keep his voice even, but didn’t quite manage to stop the anger from seeping into his voice. Had Javed always sounded like that? Had he himself sounded like that before?  
“Well no one is forcing them to keep living there. They can always relocate if they don’t like our rules. There are places where just Magicals live, they could simply go there. Then we wouldn’t bother them anymore, they wouldn’t bother us anymore, everyone wins.”  
“They were there first.”  
“So?”  
Kian drew in a long breath, trying to compose himself. He wasn’t here to argue, he was here to get information out of Javed. As the interrogator he needed to always stay in control, and not let the prisoner get to him. Trying to change the power balance was something some of the people being interrogated tried to do. He knew how to recognize this and how to always stay in control. It had never been personal before, but he still should know better than to let Javed get to him.  
Javed chuckled. “Look at you, all riled up over a bunch of random Dolmari you never even met. What happened to you Kian? That’s not how I remember you.”  
“What happened to _you_? You never acted like… this!” Kian made a gesture, meaning to indicate their whole conversation so far.  
  
Javed ignored Kian's question, but continued to tell his story, speaking more quickly again. “The Dolmari weren’t exactly generous hosts, especially because neither of us was willing to cooperate. Torturing us didn’t work, and the messenger they had sent to Sadir to talk about exchanging us for the crop never came back, so they decided to kill us off, one by one. I was lucky to escape before they got to me. So you can imagine that the entire encounter didn’t exactly endear them to me. Back in Sadir they decided that me staying officially dead might be useful. So there you have it, that’s my story. So, what made you abandon all your believes and side with our enemy? Is it that Dolmari that was with you? Are you sleeping with him?”  
“No,” Kian answered, but it came out more hesitantly than he had intended. It was the truth, he _wasn’t_ sleeping with him, even if…  
“But you want to.” Javed stated. “That’s it, isn’t it? Never would have expected you to ever sink so low that you would lust after an _animal_ …” Javed broke off.  
Kian had drawn his sword on him, and had the tip of it against his throat again. Javed stayed quiet but looked up at Kian in a mix of defiance and triumph, the look in his eyes letting Kian know that he had reacted just like Javed had expected, and it being a reaction he might have even wanted to provoke.  
_You let him get to you!_ Kian lowered his sword, feeling angry, not only at Javed, but also at himself. He had let Javed get under his skin, despite all his training and Javed knew it. He might just have blown his chance of Javed ever telling him anything of importance now. Still, he should try to get the situation back under control. He sheathed his sword, took a few steps back, and took on a pose that signalled confidence. Judging by Javed’s grin, he knew exactly what Kian was trying to do, but Kian ignored him.  
“Thank you for sharing your story,” he started, sounding more wooden than he had intended.  
Javed raised an eyebrow. “You're welcome,” he said patronizingly.  
_Bad start, let's just get back to business._ “Who were the others who attacked us?”  
“No one you know.”  
“I won't go easy on you, just because we used to work together,” he warned.  
“I would have been disappointed if you did. But why don’t we make a deal? Information for information? I won’t give you names, or future plans, but I can give you some insight. For old times' sake. The info about what happened to me was free. What do you say? Deal?”  
“That depends on what kind of information you want from me.” Kian didn't trust him, but was willing to listen to his proposal.  
“I’m curious about what made you change your views. You started to talk about it in the barracks before your Dolmari interrupted you. I want to know the whole story of what made you abandon everything you believed in. You became an Apostle because you were the most loyal to us and our believes, and because no one could ever imagine that you would ever abandon your faith. And then you go to Marcuria for a few weeks and end up betraying us. We all want to know what happened. You know why I’m here? I volunteered because I was hoping that we would meet and I would get the chance to ask you.”  
“Why do you care?”  
“I don’t. Don’t think that I’m feeling sentimental about you, just because we used to get along well all those years ago and had sex a few times. You’re not keeping me here because you want to relive old times either. I want to know because the knowledge of what makes the most loyal and faithful of us abandon his beliefs and become a traitor is very important to us.”  
“And you think that telling me this will make me more likely to tell you?”  
Javed chuckled. “No. But it’s the only chance you get. Take it or leave it, but if I’m not getting information, you’re not getting it either. I didn’t say a word when the Dolmari tortured me, I won’t say a word if you should do it either. Your choice.”  
  
Kian could tell that Javed wasn’t bluffing. Telling him seemed to be the only option of getting any kind of information out of him, even if it wouldn’t be the names they wanted. But any kind of information was useful at this point. And besides, letting him out of the cell and go back to the Azadi to share the information with had never been part of the deal. And maybe if he shared his knowledge and viewpoint with Javed, he might be able to see things his way. It’s wasn’t because he wanted him on his side again, he didn’t care about that, but the resistance could use every ally they could get. So, after a short hesitation, Kian started to talk.  
  
When Kian left the cell again after what felt like hours, even if he couldn’t be sure about how much time really had passed, he felt drained and exhausted, and just wanted to be alone for a while. Talking about everything that had happened to him since he had first come to Marcuria, dragging up all the memories of his self-doubt and his struggle with his believes, and having to share it all with someone who didn’t understand it, had been hard for him. Javed hadn’t interrupted him, but the expressions on his face had spoken for themselves. After Kian had finished, Javed had kept to his side of the deal and given him information, some of it being quite useful for them, but in the end Kian had still felt as if their roles had been reversed, and he was the one who had been interrogated.  
  
Likho still stood outside and asked him how it had gone, but Kian just muttered “Later!” and kept walking down the hall without stopping. He briefly considered locking himself in his room, but people could still bother him there, so he went on, down the stairs and into one of the smaller storage rooms where they kept supplies for the winter that they didn’t need yet.  
  
He sat down on one of the crates and stared at the floor, letting everything that had been said run through his mind again. He had been worried that talking to Javed again might get to him in some way, but he hadn’t expected it to be like this. It had been like seeing his old self being mirrored back at him, all those believes and prejudices Javed had and that had made him so angry, had been the same he used to have. He had been like Javed for the better part of his life, he might have had a different personality, but his views had been the same. How had he not been able to see how wrong it all was before? He hadn’t seen the other side of it, had only known what had been taught to him, but still… How could he ever make up for all the innocent lives he had taken, while just blindly following his faith, not being able to distinguish between what truly was the will of the Goddess and the lies that had been fed to him, to them all? And even after listening to everything he had to say, Javed still had kept to his believes, had still thought that it was Kian who was the one who was misguided…  
  
“I suppose that means it didn’t go well,” a voice suddenly said right next to him, and Kian jumped.  
“Likho! How long have you been here?” He hadn’t heard Likho approach at all, hadn’t even heard the door.  
“I just came in. You forgot to lock the cell door.”  
“Did I?” Kian rubbed a hand over his face. “Sorry, I was deep in thought. But I still shouldn’t have been so careless.”  
“Indeed, you shouldn’t have. But never mind that now, I locked it. What did he do? Try to get you on his side?”  
Kian shook his head. “No. He… reminded me too much of how I used to be, what beliefs I held… I really was an intolerant shit,” he admitted, using the words Likho had said to him on the cloudship. “You were,” Likho agreed, but with a small smile.  
“Past tense? You don’t see me like that anymore?”  
Likho hesitated, then said: “No. You have changed and you have proven yourself. You’re… one of us now.”  
Kian stood up, facing Likho. Something about the situation reminded him of the cloudship, talking honestly in a dark room surrounded by crates. “I never thought I’d hear you say that. Thank you. It can’t have been easy for you, considering…” he broke off.  
Likho stayed quiet for a moment, and just when Kian was about to worry, if he had upset Likho by reminding him about why he had used to hate him, Likho said: “What about you? Working together so closely with your former enemy?”  
“I’m entirely fine with that,” Kian replied. And he meant it. He didn’t truly feel like an Azadi anymore, even though he still missed his homeland. The resistance were his people now. “So, does this mean we’re friends now?” Kian teased.  
Likho scoffed in mock disgust. “Don’t be absurd!”  
Kian laughed. “You know, I’ve been thinking, there’s just something about cramped places filled with crates that seem to make us open up more.” Kian gestured towards the piles of crates that surrounded them.  
Likho looked around the room, then back at Kian with a slight grin. “Yes, there seems to be.”  
Kian grinned back at him, and after just looking at each other for a few moments, with the by now almost well known tension building up again, Kian took a step forward, closing the distance between them and pressing his lips to Likho’s, his decision to ignore the moments of tension between them temporarily forgotten.  
  
Likho froze and for a moment just stood there, unmoving. Then he pushed Kian away, making him stumble a few steps back, his expression unreadable.  
_Did I interpret things wrong? Or was this the wrong moment?_ But just when Kian opened his mouth to apologize, Likho stepped forward and pushed him backwards again, until his back hit the wall, then crushed their lips together. Kian let out a sound that was part surprise, part moan and pulled Likho closer, kissing him back, his heart starting to speed up. It wasn't exactly comfortable, with Kian's back and head being pressed into the wall a bit harder than was comfortable, and his lips still stinging from the sudden harsh treatment, but it was also perfect. He had mostly pushed those thoughts away, but in the few moments when he had allowed his thoughts to go in that direction, he had mostly imagined it to go like that.  
Likho moved his mouth over to his neck, and Kian tilted his head to give him better access, the feeling of Likho's lips on his skin causing a wave of desire to surge through his body. He didn't know how far Likho wanted to take this, but if it was up to Kian, he really didn't want it to stop anytime soon. It might not be the best decision, and he might regret it later, but right now all he cared about was Likho's strong body pressing him against the wall, and that his lips sucking and nibbling on his neck felt amazing.  
After a few moments of this, Likho's hand suddenly moved down, grabbing him through his pants and Kian let out a gasp as a spike of pleasure shot through him.  
“Impatient!” he teased, after he had caught his breath again, and Likho muttered a “Shut up!” against his neck, before biting down. Not hard enough to break the skin, but hard enough to have Kian feel it. Kian moaned, the combination of Likho's hand and the slight pain of his teeth making pleasure shoot through his body once more. He moved his hands to the front of Likho's leather armour, undoing the belts that held the shoulder plate and the rest of his armour.  
  
The shoulder plate fell to the floor with a clatter, after Kian had undone the buckle. He had wondered before why Likho had it in the first place, when he didn't have one on the other side, but when he ran his hand over his now bare shoulder, over the skin that was usually hidden underneath, he knew why. Kian turned his head to look at it, and saw the old wound he had felt, thick scars running over it, twisting the skin around it.  
Kian ran his hand over it again, feeling the different textures under his palm, until Likho turned his upper body slightly, pulling his shoulder away from his touch.  
"Does it hurt?" Kian asked.  
"No. But I wouldn't want you to poke around in my eye socket either."  
Kian let out a breathy laugh. "Sorry." A scarred shoulder was quite different from a missing eye, but he guessed it made some sense in its own way.  
  
Kian put his focus back on getting Likho out of his armour, and Likho did the same, pulling at Kian's clothes and pulling his shirt over his head when Kian cooperated and let go of Likho's leather armour for a moment, before undoing the last buckle and pulling it off.  
Before Kian had a chance to really look at Likho though, Likho had loosened Kian's pants enough to get his hand in and Kian closed his eyes, letting his head fall back with a groan when Likho started stroking him, the feeling driving anything but the thought of wanting more out of his mind. It had been too long since anyone had touched him like that, and Likho had already gotten him worked up a lot before. There was nothing slow or gentle about the way Likho was stroking him, but it felt great. Too good actually, and after a way too short time, Kian had to grab Likho's hand, even if it took all his willpower to do so, his body screaming in protest and everything about him wanting Likho to continue stroking him.  
“Stop.”  
“What's the matter? Changed your mind? Don't like it?” Likho said with a mild sneer, but Kian could hear a faint note of insecurity in his voice. Right, judging by what he had told him, he might not have ever been with a man before.  
“Quite the opposite. If you want this to last a bit longer, you have to slow it down a bit.”  
Likho slowly raised his eyebrow and Kian playfully boxed him on the arm.  
“It's been a while. Years, actually. The Apostles tend to be chaste.”  
Likho made a derisive noise in the back of his throat at the notion that the Apostle tended to be chaste, but pulled his hand away, undoing his own pants instead. Kian did the same, quickly undoing his the rest of the way, wanting to get rid of his clothes as fast as possible, and when they were both fully undressed, pulled Likho into a kiss again, their bodies pressed together, and the feel of skin against skin making him shudder. Likho adjusted his footing, and the movement made their cocks slide together, making them both moan into the kiss.  
  
They continued grinding against each other, and Kian let his hand travel all over Likho's back, feeling more scars under his palms, but none as big as the one on his shoulder. When his hands had reached his ass, he grabbed it and pulled Likho even closer, increasing the friction. Likho broke the kiss and groaned into his ear, then bit down on Kian's shoulder again, making Kian groan as well. He might have marks from this tomorrow, but he loved the roughness of it, and seeing and feeling Likho lose his control, and the knowledge that is was him that made the Dolmari act like this.  
Kian wanted more, wanted to feel Likho even closer. It had been too long, and now his body couldn't get enough, he wanted everything. But he didn't have... He hadn't planned for this, he should have merely done an interrogation.  
“You don't...” he broke off with a gasp as Likho dug his fingernails into his hips and more pleasure, mixed with a slight sting from where his nails were digging into his skin, shot through him. Then he tried again: “You don't happen to have any oil on you?”  
“No.” Likho hesitated for a moment, then let his eyes roam around the room, over the crates. “Maybe there's something in one of those.” He started to turn and might have actually gone to look through the crates, but Kian pulled him back, wrapping his arms around him and keeping him from moving away.  
“Don't. I don't feel like rummaging through crates, or watching you do that. It'll have to work without.”  
“Are you sure? I thought...”  
“It'll burn a bit, I suppose, but I can deal with that. Just need to use something else.”  
With these words, Kian lowered himself until he was kneeling in front of Likho, then he looked up at Likho's face, wanting to see his reaction. Likho's eye had widened slightly in surprise, but then his expression quickly turned into want, his eye having a certain wild glint in it, that made more pleasure trickle down Kian's spine. Likho's hand next to his head made a slight motion, as if he had wanted to grab Kian's head and pull him closer, but then decided against it. Kian kept his eyes fixed on Likho's face while moving his head forward, and then licked up a stripe on his cock, before pulling back a bit again. Likho groaned and his eye fluttered shut for a second, before he opened it again, his hand making another small unconscious movement. Seeing Likho like that went straight to Kian's cock, and he made a small noise in the back of his throat.  
  
If Kian hadn't been so impatient himself, he would have kept teasing Likho, but he wanted to move things along himself, so he moved his head forward again, wrapping his lips around the tip of Likho's cock, and slid his mouth down. This time Likho's hand did move and grabbed his head, not to push him down further, just grabbing hold and, as Kian assumed, it was more just an act to steady himself. Kian started to move his head, taking in a bit more on each downward motion, but not quite being able to get everything in. Likho was a bit bigger than he had thought. _And then you want to do this without oil_ , a voice in his head chastised him, but Kian ignored that thought, focusing instead on the feel of having Likho in his mouth and on the delicious sounds Likho made.  
Likho's hand tightened painfully in his hair, and for the first time Kian cursed the fact that he had let his hair grow out. He reached up and gave Likho's wrist a slight squeeze, hoping that he would get the hint, and apparently he did, because the grip eased up again.  
  
_Let's move this along._ Kian briefly considered letting Likho do it, but that would mean stopping what he was doing, which might mean risking the spit drying up too much, so he decided to do it differently. He let go of Likho's wrist and moved his hand up to Likho's face instead, pressing the tips of his fingers against Likho's lips. After a moment he got the hint and opened his mouth and sucked Kian's fingers in. Kian let out a low moan, the vibrations of it making Likho let out a similar noise. He would love to feel those lips and tongue on his cock instead. _M_ _aybe next time._  
When he thought his fingers might be wet enough, he pulled them away from Likho's mouth again, while immediately missing the wet heat of Likho's mouth surrounding them, lowered his hand to his own ass, and started stretching himself. The angle wasn't the best, and after all this time the stretching did burn a bit, but Kian ignored it, as well as the voice telling him once again that this really wasn't the best idea. He wanted this, and he would be able to deal with a bit of pain. So he kept working on loosening himself up enough, while keeping his mouth moving.  
Above him Likho muttered something that he couldn't make out, but judging by the way Likho's body started to tense up, he was getting close, so Kian reluctantly pulled back.  
Likho's hand, which was still on Kian's head, started to push him forward again, but then Likho stopped himself, and the hand disappeared from his head. Kian looked up and saw Likho looking down at him, and their eyes locked. Likho's pupil was blown wide, and the look on his face made Kian shiver. He lowered his head again, to glance at Likho's cock that was slick with saliva and pre-come. _That should be enough_ , he thought and he stood up, pulling Likho close the moment he was standing again.  
  
He couldn't remember the last time he had just let himself being led by his desires like this. Was it really just because it had been so long without any sort of physical contact, and now his body was just drinking it up greedily? But he also didn't care enough at the moment to give it any thought. So what if that was just a bad decision in the heat of the moment? Likho seemed to want it just as much, so they made this decision together and could deal with the outcome later.  
Kian pulled back slightly to let his eyes roam over their surroundings. What would be the best place? One of the bigger, more sturdy looking crates? But then Likho grabbed him and turned him around. Yes, this worked too. Kian braced his arms against the wall and spread his legs, and then he suddenly felt Likho pull back. Kian looked over his shoulder in confusion. Likho was squatting down next to his clothes, apparently looking for something.  
“What are you doing?” he asked and Likho just gave him a short “Give me a second.” as an answer. Kian shrugged inwardly and turned his head back around, waiting for Likho to finish whatever he was doing. A short thought of Likho getting his knives shot through his mind, but he waved it away. He doubted that Likho would kill him in the midst of sex. If anything he would wait until after they were finished. Still the thought had diminished the anticipation of getting to feel Likho inside him a bit, and he was just about to take another look back, when Likho was back, and almost immediately he could feel one of Likho's fingers at his entrance.  
“I already did that,” Kian murmured, but he wasn't really protesting.  
“I know,” Likho replied, but still increased the pressure, and then his finger was inside Kian, and Kian moaned. That definitely felt better than his own fingers, but he also noticed that they felt wetter than they should. He turned his head to shoot a questioning look at Likho, their closeness making their faces end up too close to really see Likho's expression, or making him see his, but Likho still seemed to know what Kian was asking with his eyes.  
“I remembered that I have this oil I occasionally use on my knives. No idea if that will work, it might be a bit too runny, but better than nothing.”  
Kian frowned slightly at this, but turned his head back towards the wall again. Oil was definitely better than just spit, but he didn't know what kind of stuff Likho used on his knives, and if it was runny it might not work anyway and-- Kian's thoughts were cut off when Likho's exploring finger brushed against the spot that made an intense wave of pleasure shoot through his body, and Kian let out a shout, completely forgetting what he had been thinking about a moment before. Likho hesitated for a moment, then repeated the motion, eliciting the same reaction.  
“Likho...” Kian groaned out, not sure himself if he wanted Likho to keep doing this, or to move things along. Likho did both, slipping a second finger in, and kept brushing them against the spot while moving them in and out, and also moving his lips to Kian's neck to lick and bite along it. Kian let out a constant string of moans and moved back against Likho's fingers, the intensity of the feelings the combined actions elicited almost too overwhelming and bringing him closer to the edge. But it still wasn't enough, he wanted more.  
“Do it!” he hissed out and Likho chuckled against his neck.  
“Impatient,” he teased, like Kian had done before, but he pulled out his fingers, and a few seconds later Kian could feel the head of Likho's cock pressing against him. He spread his legs further, and willed his muscles to relax, and then the tip was inside. Kian groaned again, but this time for a different reason. The stretch hurt more than he had expected, even with whatever kind of oil Likho had used. But it had been a while, it would fade. So he said nothing, while Likho moved further in, biting down on his lower lip, and trying to ignore the burn of the stretch, until Likho was fully inside. He didn't have to tell him to stop for a moment, because Likho stopped himself, breath coming out in short puffs against his neck. They stayed like this for a few moments, both adjusting to the feeling. Then Kian shifted, changed his position slightly, and told Likho to move.  
  
But it quickly became apparent that this didn't work. The friction was too strong, Likho's oil seemingly too watery to properly work, and it hurt more than it should have. At least they had some sort of lubrication, just spit really wouldn't have been enough, even if it didn't really work right. And it having been several years since the last time he had had sex played into this as well. But the stubborn part of him refused to tell Likho to stop. He didn't want to stop, and he had been in much worse pain before. Sure wounds from fights were a different thing, but still. He just had to make sure that the pleasure would be enough to drown out the discomfort.  
He adjusted his position again, removed one arm from the wall, and moved his hand down to stroke himself. Yes, this was better. Then Likho's cock brushed the spot inside him again, and the burn of the friction ended with pleasure shooting through his body again, which made for a really nice combination, and one he hadn't expected.  
He kept stroking himself in time with Likho's thrusts, and Likho kept the angle, and soon Kian was moaning again, and pushing back against Likho, heart racing and his breath coming out in shallow pants. He could still feel some friction, and it still hurt in a way, but mixed with the other sensations it fed into his pleasure, and he could feel himself slowly approaching his climax. Likho's fingers dug almost painfully into his hips, and his thrusts sped up, apparently getting close himself. Eventually, Likho pulled Kian's hand away from his cock, wrapping his own hand around it instead, and after a few strokes Kian came with a shout, spilling over Likho's hand, and some of it ending up on the wall in front of him. Through the waves of pleasure he could feel Likho tensing up, and muffling his own sounds by sinking his teeth into Kian's shoulder once more.  
  
Afterwards they just stayed like this for a few moments, Kian leaning against the wall, with Likho leaning against his back, both breathing heavily, while Kian tried to hang on to the last waves of his climax, feeling his muscles slowly starting to relax, but with his heart still beating fast. Eventually, Likho stepped back, pulled out and then he could hear him moving around the room, probably collecting his clothes, but Kian didn't look or even move from where he was still leaning against the wall. Now that the pleasure had faded, he could feel the burning again. He would probably feel this for a while. Still, he didn't regret it. And no matter if this would be a one time thing, or would be repeated, things had changed between them now, but if they had changed for better or worse was something that would eventually show itself.  
The sounds of Likho moving around the storage room and getting dressed stopped for a moment, and it got quiet in the room, but then he heard Likho's footsteps again, moving towards the door, and then he was alone in the room. Kian finally moved away from the wall and started to collect and put on his own clothes. He would clean himself off once he was back in his room.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning things were awkward. Kian was still feeling sore, he had been right with the thought that he would feel it for a while, and he cursed the fact that all the chairs the resistance owned were wooden chairs. Also, Likho avoided him. Kian's original plan had been to go over the information he had gotten from Javed with him, but he decided to give Likho some space and wait until the next day, or later that day, if Likho should have stopped avoiding him by then.  
He wondered if Likho regretted what had happened between them. Ending up having sex with the person you hate – used to hate, was something that couldn't be easy to deal with. Especially with the reason for the hate being entirely legitimate. Kian himself didn't regret it, unless it would end up destroying the trust and camaraderie that had developed between them. The only thing he did regret was having been so stubborn and insisting to do this without oil, and he didn't even want to think about how he would feel now if Likho hadn't come up with the idea of at least using the thin oil he had for his knives.  
He winced inwardly when he made a too quick step while rounding a corner and entering the corridors that led to their bedrooms, and got reminded again just how sore he was, and slowed down his pace a bit.  
He had decided to go visit Enu and Bip instead of going over the acquired information with Likho, and see if they were doing better. He hadn't had much time to do it in the last few days, except for his very brief visit the evening before they broke into the barracks, and he felt a bit guilty for sort of abandoning them like that. Even if he really had just been too busy and knew that he couldn't have done anything to help them get better anyway.

Enu was awake and greeted him with a big smile and a happy „Oh, hey Kian!“  
Kian was glad to see that she was doing better, seeing the usually happy and energetic woman lying still in bed and being too weak to move had been sad. She still wasn’t allowed to get out of bed, but she was able to sit up by now, with a pillow propped up behind her back.  
“Likho was here too, you just missed him actually. Was all broody, more than usually I mean, but wouldn’t say why. Buuut he said your mission went well and that you found someone who was with the ones who attacked us. An old friend of yours, he said. Is that why he’s all broody? Cause of the guy being a friend? Having been a friend, I mean?”  
“I… don’t think that’s the reason,” Kian said slowly.  
“Ah, well, that’s good. He shouldn’t mind that, I mean you won’t go back to the Azadi right? So doesn’t matter if you knew the guy. Did he tell you anything? The guy, I mean? Asked Likho, but he said he didn’t know. Bit weird, thought he would want to know immediately and ask you right after the interrogation.”  
“We haven’t had the chance to talk about it. I wanted to do go over the information this morning, but…” Kian didn’t want to say that Likho had been avoiding him, that would have just led to more questions. “We haven’t found the time yet,” he finished lamely, not being able to come up with a good reason, and also not wanting to lie to Enu.  
Enu frowned. “You got into a fight again, didn’t you?”  
“No, we didn’t,” Kian said shortly. Then: “How are you, Enu? You look a lot better.”  
“Ah, change of topic, I get it, won’t pry. Just work it out, whatever it is. And I’m feeling much better, thanks for asking! Na’ane says I might be able to finally get out of bed by the end of week. Won’t be able to join you on your missions for a while though, I’m afraid. But it's something. I've been getting sick of just lying around being all useless.”  
“Don’t worry about that. Make sure you recover fully first.”  
“Thanks!” Enu sent him a big smile. Then asked: “Uh, hey are you busy, or will you stay for a bit?”  
“I wanted to pay Bip a visit too, but I can stay for a while longer.”  
“Great! So take a seat. You don’t need to just stand there.” Enu gestured over to the chair standing next to her bed, that seemed to get used by all the visitors she got.  
“Thanks, but I’ll keep standing,” he declined, after glancing at the chair that was the same wooden kind as all the others.  
Enu frowned for a moment, but then just shrugged and said: “Well, your choice.” 

They talked for a while, Kian telling her about him and Likho sneaking into the guard barracks, and the interrogation of Javed the following day, he even told her a little bit about how he had felt when he had fully realized just how bad he himself had been. Enu assured him not to worry about it, that he had changed and was a great person now, and that that was all that mattered, her reassurance being something he hadn't even realized he needed to hear, until he had heard her words.  
Some people in the resistance had joked that it was Enu’s job to keep everyone’s spirits up, but he now realized that she really was good at it, her cheerful nature and optimism really helped to lift his mood. It felt good to hear that he he was liked and accepted, even if he had been on the other side of the war for so long.

After some time Na’ane came into the room, shooing Kian away politely by telling him that she needed to change Enu’s bandages and apply more healing, and that Enu also needed her rest.  
Kian went over to Bip’s room then, and right after entering he was greeted with an excited exclamation of his name, and then next thing he knew Bip was hugging him, his face buried in Kian's stomach. The action took Kian by surprise, Bip had never hugged him before, and he just awkwardly patted his back a few times, not being sure how to react.  
After a few moments Bip let go of him again, taking a few steps back and looking slightly embarrassed.  
“Uh, sorry Kian. Just been thinking about a lot of stuff, and I kinda wished you were here, and then you showed up just when I wanted you too, and I… overreacted a bit,” he stammered out. “Please don’t tell anyone!”  
“It’s quite alright, Bip, no need to apologize. Or feel embarrassed. You’re still young, I guess that is a normal reaction.” At least Kian assumed it was.  
Bip glanced up at him, a slight smirk on his face for the first time since they had come back from Ge’en. “You don’t know anything about children, do you?”  
“Not much,” he admitted. 

He had been living on the streets before Mother Utana had taken him in, but by then he had already felt older than other children his age. Life on the street made people grow up faster. But then again, this was something he shared with Bip, even if Bip’s life on the streets had been a lot shorter than his own. But Bip was still a child, and he wanted him to be able to have a normal childhood. He just wasn’t quite sure what having a normal childhood entailed, or how to raise children. 

Bip nodded, with a generous expression on his face, that Kian was sure was put on to make him look more grown up. “That’s fine. I’m sure you’ll still make a great dad. Uh, if you want to, that is. You know, I don’t have a dad anymore. Or mum. And you’ve been taking care of me since you met me, so I’ve been thinking that it would be great if you could be my new dad. And it’s fine if you don’t really know how to do that, I can take care of myself, but just knowing that there’s someone… I just don’t want to be alone anymore…” Bip trailed off, looking down at the floor, his expression having lost its more adult look halfway through talking, and now he just looked insecure and embarrassed.  
“Bip, I…” Kian started, but Bip interrupted him.  
“I understand if you don’t want to, I’m not even a human like you, but if you say yes, I promise I won’t be a burden.” 

Kian had been thinking about this himself ever since bringing Bip back from Ge'en. He had felt a certain protectiveness for the boy ever since he had met him, and while in the beginning it had just been because he saw a glimpse of how he himself had been as a boy, by now he had come to care for Bip, and had eventually come to the conclusion that taking care of Bip was what he wanted, especially because he wanted to avoid that something like what had happened in Ge'en would ever happen again. And properly taking care of him would be easiest if he took him in and become his guardian, even if he wasn't sure if he would be any good at it, so Bip bringing it up himself made it easier.  
“I wanted to ask you the same thing. I didn’t know if you wanted to, but I don’t want you to have to go back to your life on the street. I don’t want to replace your father, but I can try to take care of you.”  
“Really?” Bip asked, beaming up at him, finally looking happy again, and when Kian nodded, Bip flung his arms around Kian’s middle again. “Thank you!”  
“And just to be clear, you being a Dolmari won’t be an issue at all.”  
Bip nodded. “And I don’t mind you being an Azadi. You’re… not like... them…” Bip trailed off again, and Kian felt a mix of protectiveness and anger at what the Azadi had done to him. He still didn’t know what had happened to Bip at the camps, because Bip didn't talk about it, and he would give Bip all the time he needed until he was able to talk, but even if he never found out what exactly had happened, he still would make them pay for it. And for all the things they had done to the other Magicals. First they would focus on the business in Marcuria, but then he would go back to Ge’en and try put a stop to the Azadi's plan to kill off all the Magicals with a plague. He hoped that he could do this with Likho by his side, the last days weeks had proven that they could work really well together, but no matter if he would do it with or without Likho, his people had done enough harm already, he wouldn’t let them get away with doing even more. They and their plan needed to be stopped. 

Later that day, when he was on his way to his room after dinner, he ran into Likho in the hallway, and after a quick glance around to make sure that they were alone, Likho handed him a small bottle. Kian looked at it, but he hadn’t heard of the name on the label before, and could only guess that it was something magical.  
“What is it?”  
“A lotion for pain. Next time I won’t listen to you when you insist on doing this without getting proper oil, and mine clearly didn't work right.”  
Kian could feel his face heating up. “Right, thanks. How did you…” Kian broke off when he noticed what Likho had said. “Next time? I thought you avoiding me all day meant that you regretted it.”  
“I don’t… I needed time to think. But I… don’t regret it.” Likho sounded uncomfortable with voicing it out loud, but he still seemed to mean it.  
“Me neither,” Kian replied. He had expected this to get more complicated, that Likho would need more time, or might not even want a repeat of it, and was positively surprised that it had gone over so smoothly.  
“But don’t get this wrong, this isn’t about feelings,” Likho added.  
“Of course it’s not. Didn’t expect you to suddenly get all mushy on me.” 

Kian wasn’t even sure if his own feelings went deeper than just respect and attraction. He did feel attracted to the Dolmari, but if there was more, or if it could ever even turn into more, was something he hadn’t thought about, and also didn’t want to think about at the moment. Time would show how things would develop between them. 

He looked down on the bottle again. “So where did you get it?”  
“Na’ane. Would have gotten it earlier, but I had to wait until she was outside of her room for a longer time. Didn't feel like explaining to her what I wanted that particular potion for.”  
Kian remembered Likho taking one look at him when he had sat down for dinner, and then getting up and leaving. He had put this down to Likho not wanting to be in the same room as him, but now it apparently had been the moment he had chosen to sneak into Na’ane’s medical supplies.  
“And to answer your earlier question,” Likho continued, “I saw you sitting down, both at breakfast and now at dinner. You looked like you would rather keep standing. I would apologize, but it was your own decision.”  
Kian raised an eyebrow, while smirking at Likho in a teasing way. “You would have apologized?”  
“Figure of speech.”  
Kian laughed. Then he asked: “I know it's late, but do you still want to go over the information I got out of Javed?”  
Likho nodded. “I'll wait for you in the library.”

About ten minutes later Kian joined Likho at a table in the library, sharing the information he got out of Javed, Likho listening quietly, except for a few times when he asked for more details. It felt normal, like nothing had changed between them, and Kian hoped that that was indeed the case. Not that nothing had changed, there were some changes he wanted to keep, but them still being able to work together in a normal way. He didn't know what the future would bring, but so far it seemed to be going well, if he didn't count the upcoming war against the Azadi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was the last chapter, but there's still a short epilogue coming!


	7. Epilogue

Kian was lying in bed, with both the blanket and Likho wrapped around him. They woke up like this more and more often, ever since they had started to spend the night instead of going back to their own room after sex. Likho always tended to unwrap himself from Kian the moment he woke up, but Kian had come to like waking up that way. It was warm and comfortable, plus Likho smelled nice. In his speeches Onor Hileriss tended to rant about the Magicals having a spicy smell, and well, he was right about that, no matter how wrong he was with everything else that came out of his mouth. It wasn’t quite the same smell as the spices from home, but still nice. He would never tell Likho about it though, he would just mock him about being too sentimental. And Kian doubted that he would like to get compared to anything even remotely related to Sadir. 

The last weeks had been stressful for both of them and the rest of the resistance, but they were slowly making progress. It wasn’t just about payback for the attack on the Enclave anymore, they were also putting a lot of focus into stopping the Azadi in everything they did. There was something bigger going on, and it had to do with the tower they had built, and more and more strange things were happening around Marcuria, so they put all their energy into finding out what exactly was going on, and how to stop it. They weren't sure if this all was related to their plan to spread a plague to kill all the Magicals, but either way, they needed to stop this too.  
Meanwhile, Javed was still locked in the same room they had put him in when bringing him in for interrogation, but Kian hadn't been back to see him again. He put it down to being too busy to deal with him and decide what to best do with him, but if he was honest with himself, it was mostly because he tried to avoid another confrontation and didn't feel ready to face him again. Other people kept bringing Javed food and made sure he stayed healthy, so Kian didn't feel too guilty for ignoring him for now. And the mission to stop the Azadi was more important anyway.  
So with everything that was going on, he treasured those few calm moments even more. 

Likho started to wake up next to him, and, like he had expected, started to entangle their limbs and rolled onto his back. Kian rolled over onto his side, facing him, while wrapping the blanket tighter around him, immediately feeling colder without Likho’s body heat.  
“Good morning,” he murmured, with Likho just giving an unintelligible grunt in reply, while throwing an arm over his face. Kian had learned that Likho was not a morning person at all, and, while Kian was still used to getting up early and being fully awake quickly from his time in the military, he still liked starting the day more slowly.  
His eyes fell on Likho’s scarred shoulder, and he reached out to run his fingers over it.  
“Where did you get this?”  
Likho gave an annoyed sigh. “Knife wound when I was younger.”  
“At the same time when you lost your eye?”  
“No. Earlier. Got infected, couldn’t raise my arm properly after it, and couldn’t use a sword anymore for some time. Was impatient, learned to use daggers instead, stuck with that. Satisfied now?”  
“So you used a sword--“  
“By the balance Kian, stop talking!”  
Kian breathed a soft laugh, but stayed quiet. Then he rolled on his back too, looking up at the ceiling. 

Just a year ago the life he lead now would have been a ridiculous thought, and now he was sharing his bed with a Dolmari, raising another Dolmari, and risking his life on an almost daily basis while fighting his own people to protect Magicals. But he wouldn’t want to have it any other way. He was doing what was right, and, while he had been devoted to his duties as an Apostle and had felt like he belonged in this life, he now realized that he had still been lonely. Now with the resistance he had found people he could truly call his friends, and, while he still missed his home, here with them he had found a real sense of belonging.  
The ghost of a smile played over his face, and he closed his eyes again, allowing himself a few quiet moments more, before he would eventually have to get up and face the new day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! Once again a big thanks and hug to Spocksandshoes for betaing and all her tips for improving this! <3


End file.
